After a gap between writing blog posts I am rejuvenating with renewed fire in my belly after reading the first few pages of a self help book for single women.
If you’ve read Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl and enjoyed it - good on you, but let’s agree to differ. Ok, moving on...
I ordered the book from Amazon to quench my niggling curiosity having ‘quit’ self help books many years ago. I really should’ve known better – in the past I digested a fair amount of books, and guess what? Mr Right still hasn’t arrived into my life. So I think it’s fair to say those books failed to help me correct mistakes I’d been making. Oh hang on a second...rewind... my mistakes? Yep, so it seems! These books are very good at pointing the finger of blame at women for not behaving in the certain way which is attractive to guys...but does this mean the men can do what they want while we go about changing our ways? Hmmmm...
This particular book opens with a rant laying into the ‘nice girl’ – this is the woman who apparently tries too hard, and who, subsequently, men won’t respect and lose interest after a short time. I almost threw the book out of the window without reaching the end of chapter one. Why do these authors blame women for being ‘nice’? Why is it a ‘mistake’? I do agree in part that men like a challenge and generally prefer to do the chasing, but I also know plenty of women who’ve been forthright and made the first move. Both approaches have led to contented, long term relationships it seems!
Call me naive, but are men really as stupid as these books portray them to be? If a man is so darn shallow that he thinks (according to this book) that if you cook for him and sleep with him on an early date, the woman is desperate and doesn’t value herself. Therefore, the man deems the woman as not being worth his time and runs after someone else.
Now, really ladies, would you want to be with a man who was really so dim-witted? When in fact, a woman can have a great time in the sack with a man, cook him a meal or two and STILL be a real catch. I know – it’s a revolutionary idea!
Most women have had to change to flow with society and so we’ve become more independent and we’re redefining our place in the world. That’s the hand we’ve been dealt by our parent’s generation and we’re paving the way for future generations of women – many of whom will probably also choose to remain single if they don’t find the right man. So, with our rapidly evolving role in the world, why are we women still reading books that tell us to stop being a ‘nice girl’ and play silly games to catch that guy?
I think the underlying message in many books is supposed to be about empowerment and not to care what men think of you (and watch them come running)...but in reality they seem to critise and get us thinking there’s something wrong with our character. Some of these books are so terrible for a woman’s self confidence and many are written by other women (who are also probably single!).
It might seem odd I’m getting so wound up about these books which are utterly sensationalist, but it’s more the issue they’re promoting - that single women are ‘wrong’ and are expected to adapt (haven’t we done enough of that in other areas of life?!) to fit in with men’s expectations. There’s nothing whatsoever ‘wrong’ with us – we don’t need to play games, ignore phone calls from men, or refrain from cooking for him on date two or three. If a man likes you, you usually soon know about it and games are unnecessary.
Personally, I’ve had enough of being told to change and we need literature which empowers us for the being the women we are, not batter us into the ground with criticism and blame for being a so-called ‘doormat’.
Maybe I’m an idealist, but I have to say (write) it. So ladies, just be yourself and enjoy your life as a single woman and the benefits it brings. Some man out there is seriously missing out on your amazing, sassy self!
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