R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

I may offend some people (ok, I mean blokes) with this post but before I start bashing away on my unreliable keyboard,  I'd like to repeat here that this blog is based on my own experiences.  I'm sure others may disagree but I guess we're all on our own journey....Since the blog is about single life, the topic of former romantic experiences is unavoidable. Admit it - you've got a past also! 

Disclaimer: if you’re a man and don't fancy reading what some of your less scrupulous peers get up to (as if you don't know!), close this webpage right now. If you choose to stay, then feel free to join the party and leave a comment! 

Aretha Franklin’s ‘Respect’ is a powerful, soul-stirring song and it popped into my head when I was thinking about writing this. While reflecting on my romantic past, respect is something that seems to have been a missing part of the jigsaw. Indeed, mutual respect seems to be the common thread friends refer to when describing their relationships. But it’s a word which has been lacking in  my exes’ dictionaries...which is why they’re exes, I guess. 

As a younger woman I took this lack of respect towards women with a pinch of salt. Such caddish behaviour was excused in our 20s (he needs to grow up...he needs to sew his wild oats...he smokes too much wacky baccy!), but now? Well, it's just sad and boring. The guys I have met thus far in a romantic scenario have lacked this very basic skill - at the risk of sounding pompous, it's as if these guys haven't learned life's lessons at all. 


Am I too intolerant? Should I put up with being treated badly? Should I walk away from men who haven't yet grasped the concept of not taking women for granted? I just don't get this phenomenon and it's a frequent experience of so many single women - it's hugely baffling. Admittedly, I have had the above average dose of bad luck in love, and I'm sure there are some good guys out there somewhere.

However, guys I’ve met in the last few years seemed to have somehow lost their grasp of how to respect a woman (if they had it in the first place, that is!). At 38 years old, it's wildly frustrating. 

A 'subtle' reminder!

Is it the general corrosion of respect in society? Or is it that some men have no understanding of how to value women? Perhaps these men were so molly-coddled as children they expect the world to revolve around them? Or could it be that these men have had their hearts broken at least once and they’ve lost their faith in women?


There are no answers, and it probably isn't that complicated! But in the meantime, us ladies remain single because we respect ourselves when many men simply don’t. So, it totally makes sense that we'd give these men a wide berth since we prefer our own company and that of our friends!

A male friend once explained to me that when he felt ready to commit, he had to "learn to be good". I never took him to be 'not good' in the first place, so I was shocked that he felt he had to be a better person before he popped the question. Maybe this is the difference between a good man - who understands the value in making the effort to be a respectful and caring partner - and a ‘bad boy’ who doesn’t understand (or care) that he’s been a total ****** in the first place but knows some poor sap will put up with his behaviour. Hey - whatever revs your motor I guess.

It's crossed my mind that many of the men who are single at my age just don't want to be committed so by treating women with little respect they've nothing to lose. Unfortunately, I've experienced a broad spectrum of disrespectful behaviour. There was the boyfriend who came clean after I confronted him and he admitted he'd "fallen in love in Prague"...with another woman. He claimed he'd "forgotten" to tell me - purlease....And there are the guys who seem to open their hearts to you but never call again. Clearly, such men aren't worth any effort and can't be taken seriously. So, it's not surprising that at the first glimmer of such behaviour I walk away, rather than stick around and watch a very predictable picture unfold. It's just so D.U.L.L.


It's like climbing Everest - maybe one day I'll reach the summit and find a good, respectful man  - ideally there'll be mutual attraction too. But in the meantime, I'll keep my crampons strapped to my feet and hang on to my icepick since there's probably plenty more climbing to do...or I can just set up camp at a comfortable altitude and make the most of this on-going situation. 

The climb continues.....

Call me a bitter, old spinster if you like. But the fact is, is that it's very hard out there. So, if you're single and someone calls you "picky" tell them to hold their tongue! I bet very few 'marrieds' were criticised when they chose to get hitched. Why do we get criticised for being single? Instead, ask them to exchange places with you - see how the dating game is played these days. But after reading the above, I doubt anyone will take up this challenge! 




Coming next....strategy overkill - why self-help books with titles like "Why Men Love Bitches" don't work.