You have to be mad not to notice the huge growth in the online dating industry - there seems to be website for everyone: Sugardaddy, Afroromance, Mysticdates, Iloveyouraccent...
In fact, this new year has heralded a surge of TV ads enticing us singletons to find our soulmate in 2011 by forking out anything from £20 - £infinity per month and registering our personal details, likes/ dislikes, and what we'd like in an ideal partner. Each website promises to weave their own unique magic which will apparently help us find Mr/ Miss Right.
I have always been very cynical of online dating - especially after hearing about the website offering lifetime membership - but that hasn't stopped me from exploring this virtual jungle of lurve.
Since 2000 I have tried numerous dating sites. I've now got lots of stories to share, but have never met one bloke who I could say suited me one little bit, nor I suited him. Before you say it, I'm not being too fussy...read on....reasons for my lack of success will become clear!
I have persevered - surely my man is out there in cyberspace looking too! The most recent website I signed up to matched people according to zodiac signs (I've indeed now tried everything). I introduced myself to one man with a polite message and he responded; "hi". I thought he needed to be coaxed gently out of his shell, so I replied: "How are you?". His reply: "Good"....call me old fashioned, but I've always thought mutual interest from both sides is useful in getting to know someone! Recognising the hopelessness of this match, I gave up before creating too much work for myself and it going nowhere. This isn't a unique experience sadly - persevering with such guys is useless and a waste of my £20 per month! If they don't wish to ask questions of the lady then they shouldn't be online in the first place.
I've also used bigger websites like Match and Dating Direct - I registered with each website with that familiar light-hearted optimism you feel when your new profile attracts the attention of lots of men. Don't get too excited - it's only because you're new at school that men come to check you out, not because they want you so madly and passionately! Your newness fades within a week or so and the interest falls off quickly.
However, I did come across an interesting profile - the man looked cute in his picture, he was well travelled and he was a writer. He was ticking all of my boxes so far - a rare dating phenomenon! What appealed to me the most was his creatively written paragraph about himself. He called himself 'Captain Chris' and it was written in the style of Captain Jack Sparrow and as very funny. My interest had been sparked - a witty, creative man with the sense of humour about himself. Fantastic! So I dropped him an email (in normal English) to say hello and complimented his writing style...and he responded the same day. Ok, we're on! I opened his email with excitement. As I read his message, any images in my mind of walking side-by-side with Captain Chris as we took our baby for a walks in the park faded quickly! This is the chivalrous response he sent:
"Captain Chris is a very dominant seaman who takes his female sailors on a rough voyage to break them in. Are you ready to go on that perilous maiden voyage, atop my long mast?"
My jaw was on the floor. I was a wee bit disturbed at this guy's idea of charming a woman. Unique, I give you that. I drew a long sigh and admitted he wouldn't be the father of my child after all...he was just another crackpot on another dating website.
That's the problem with online dating - you never know who the person really is and it's perfect breeding ground for some dodgy types including married men. I think it's down to pure luck (or is it destiny?) that a handful of people I've heard of have met online. Most couples I have come across over the years have met in bars, at parties, through friends, while travelling or even at Oktoberfest! Two or three couples have met online but when you look at the millions who haven't met anyone the stats aren't that great. But congratulations to you lucky cyber couples!
Something that the ads don't mention is that online dating makes it really easy to be rude and drop email conversations in mid flow. I've lost count of the amount of times a man's asked me on a date, we've been in the process of making arrangements and he just stops emailing for no reason.
The men I've met online tend to be really very flaky and non-committal. I had an 'almost date' with a German guy who asked to meet me at Greenwich Park which is pretty huge place - as parks tend to be. But he refused to agree to a more exact location and time...when I pressed him a little (without appearing like a desperate mad woman because apparently that scares men off too) his response: "Oh, we'll find each other".....I wondered if he had a hide-and-seek-in-the-park-fetish. Needless the say it didn't work out.
There was also the stuntman-in-training I was emailing recently. We were getting along famously and he asked me whether I wanted kids. I was impressed with his openness, since most men will talk about anything but commitment or kids - even at my age. So I answered his question with matched candidness - that I have been considering adoption (hey - what did he expect from a 38 single woman?!)...surprise, surprise I never heard back.
Sometimes, emails do actually turn into dates but they tend to be perfunctory rather than butterflies-in-the-tummy experiences I used to have in my 20s, which I miss very much. It's not very exciting sitting with someone in a pub who's telling you that he wasn't sure why his ex girlfriend stopped talking to him - he even took bunches of helium balloons to her office but security threw him out.
Or the guy who used a photo on his online profile showing him with hair - in person he looked 10 years older with no hair left! I decided to give it a go since appearances aren't everything but we spent one excruciating hour of boredom since we had nothing in common and had nothing to say to each other. The wine helped.
A less boring date was with a man who claimed to be a trained dancer who "could move like a male stripper", and by day was a doctor at Lewisham Hospital....it turned out he danced like a crazed monkey and my friend's mum who worked at the hospital had never heard of him.
So, with many frustrating experiences under my belt, my online dating days are over (I mean it this time!) and I'm going back to the old fashioned way. In fact, I have it on good authority that the highly complex strategy of pouncing on a man after a few cocktails is very effective....and can result in marriage and two children down the line!
In fact, this new year has heralded a surge of TV ads enticing us singletons to find our soulmate in 2011 by forking out anything from £20 - £infinity per month and registering our personal details, likes/ dislikes, and what we'd like in an ideal partner. Each website promises to weave their own unique magic which will apparently help us find Mr/ Miss Right.
I have always been very cynical of online dating - especially after hearing about the website offering lifetime membership - but that hasn't stopped me from exploring this virtual jungle of lurve.
Since 2000 I have tried numerous dating sites. I've now got lots of stories to share, but have never met one bloke who I could say suited me one little bit, nor I suited him. Before you say it, I'm not being too fussy...read on....reasons for my lack of success will become clear!
I have persevered - surely my man is out there in cyberspace looking too! The most recent website I signed up to matched people according to zodiac signs (I've indeed now tried everything). I introduced myself to one man with a polite message and he responded; "hi". I thought he needed to be coaxed gently out of his shell, so I replied: "How are you?". His reply: "Good"....call me old fashioned, but I've always thought mutual interest from both sides is useful in getting to know someone! Recognising the hopelessness of this match, I gave up before creating too much work for myself and it going nowhere. This isn't a unique experience sadly - persevering with such guys is useless and a waste of my £20 per month! If they don't wish to ask questions of the lady then they shouldn't be online in the first place.
I've also used bigger websites like Match and Dating Direct - I registered with each website with that familiar light-hearted optimism you feel when your new profile attracts the attention of lots of men. Don't get too excited - it's only because you're new at school that men come to check you out, not because they want you so madly and passionately! Your newness fades within a week or so and the interest falls off quickly.
However, I did come across an interesting profile - the man looked cute in his picture, he was well travelled and he was a writer. He was ticking all of my boxes so far - a rare dating phenomenon! What appealed to me the most was his creatively written paragraph about himself. He called himself 'Captain Chris' and it was written in the style of Captain Jack Sparrow and as very funny. My interest had been sparked - a witty, creative man with the sense of humour about himself. Fantastic! So I dropped him an email (in normal English) to say hello and complimented his writing style...and he responded the same day. Ok, we're on! I opened his email with excitement. As I read his message, any images in my mind of walking side-by-side with Captain Chris as we took our baby for a walks in the park faded quickly! This is the chivalrous response he sent:
"Captain Chris is a very dominant seaman who takes his female sailors on a rough voyage to break them in. Are you ready to go on that perilous maiden voyage, atop my long mast?"
My jaw was on the floor. I was a wee bit disturbed at this guy's idea of charming a woman. Unique, I give you that. I drew a long sigh and admitted he wouldn't be the father of my child after all...he was just another crackpot on another dating website.
That's the problem with online dating - you never know who the person really is and it's perfect breeding ground for some dodgy types including married men. I think it's down to pure luck (or is it destiny?) that a handful of people I've heard of have met online. Most couples I have come across over the years have met in bars, at parties, through friends, while travelling or even at Oktoberfest! Two or three couples have met online but when you look at the millions who haven't met anyone the stats aren't that great. But congratulations to you lucky cyber couples!
Something that the ads don't mention is that online dating makes it really easy to be rude and drop email conversations in mid flow. I've lost count of the amount of times a man's asked me on a date, we've been in the process of making arrangements and he just stops emailing for no reason.
The men I've met online tend to be really very flaky and non-committal. I had an 'almost date' with a German guy who asked to meet me at Greenwich Park which is pretty huge place - as parks tend to be. But he refused to agree to a more exact location and time...when I pressed him a little (without appearing like a desperate mad woman because apparently that scares men off too) his response: "Oh, we'll find each other".....I wondered if he had a hide-and-seek-in-the-park-fetish. Needless the say it didn't work out.
There was also the stuntman-in-training I was emailing recently. We were getting along famously and he asked me whether I wanted kids. I was impressed with his openness, since most men will talk about anything but commitment or kids - even at my age. So I answered his question with matched candidness - that I have been considering adoption (hey - what did he expect from a 38 single woman?!)...surprise, surprise I never heard back.
Sometimes, emails do actually turn into dates but they tend to be perfunctory rather than butterflies-in-the-tummy experiences I used to have in my 20s, which I miss very much. It's not very exciting sitting with someone in a pub who's telling you that he wasn't sure why his ex girlfriend stopped talking to him - he even took bunches of helium balloons to her office but security threw him out.
Or the guy who used a photo on his online profile showing him with hair - in person he looked 10 years older with no hair left! I decided to give it a go since appearances aren't everything but we spent one excruciating hour of boredom since we had nothing in common and had nothing to say to each other. The wine helped.
A less boring date was with a man who claimed to be a trained dancer who "could move like a male stripper", and by day was a doctor at Lewisham Hospital....it turned out he danced like a crazed monkey and my friend's mum who worked at the hospital had never heard of him.
Good, fun experiences which resonates...
ReplyDeleteAlthough I remember a male friend of mine who was internet dating and he felt that women in their late 30s early 40s could not see him so much as a person, but felt he was seen as a 'potential father' first, and THEN, if he had ticked some boxes, as a person, which made him run thousand miles away!! I thought that was an interesting point, and yes, knowing him, he would have made a crap father!!
Very very funny accounts of online dating Ms Spinster. Curse those married men who pose as able seamen! Think there might be something in the cocktail pounce too. Its on par with the party pash.
ReplyDelete